


Taking Care Of You (is harder when I'm hurting, too)

by patwrites



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Torture, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Mental Breakdown, Protective Tony Stark, Rescue, Torture, but no romance actually happens, protective Reader, reader has female pronouns, the relationship is more platonic than anything, they're very close and fiercely protective of each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 18:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15201224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patwrites/pseuds/patwrites
Summary: You've been friends with Tony for a long time, time in which you've developed a very protective nature towards the man. Pepper's breakup with him means you've gotta be there for him more than ever. If only you weren't kidnapped the very same day.





	Taking Care Of You (is harder when I'm hurting, too)

Darkness. Pitch black darkness surrounds you and it feels like it's swallowing you whole. You squint through the darkness but you can't see anything. You could be standing upside down and you'd have no idea.

Light. Blinding white light bursts suddenly from above and you snap your eyes shut from the force of it. You try to blink open your eyes but it hurts so you shut them again.

An alarm sounds. The light turns red, and you can open your eyes but you regret it. Bodies are lying sprawled on the ground, dismembered, disfigured, torn apart, faces twisted in agony, forever embedded there. The floor and the wall and the ceiling are all painted in a gruesome red and it makes you gag.

You don't have time to process what's going on because the second you catch a glimpse of a familiar face ( _'Oh God, is that Tony?!'_ ) the scene shifts and changes before your eyes. You land in the kitchen of your childhood home but it's deserted. Warm yellow light spills from the open window, the curtains sway softly in the summer breeze. Dust dances all around you. The room seems frozen in time. Everything stills.

You wander around the room for a bit, taking in the details before you venture further into the house. In the living room, on the old, worn out sofa you used to watch tv on while munching on cereal in the morning, is a person sitting. You think it might me your dad but when you turn around it's Tony again, forehead pierced by a bullet with blood running down his face. Speaking of which, his face is twisted in a cruel, demented smile. Only just now do you notice the gaping hole in the middle of his chest, where his arc reactor is supposed to be.

You look through the hole and on the other side you can see your own reflection, only it's completely wrong. Your hair is disheveled, face dirty with dried up blood, flesh decaying and falling to the ground when the same demented smile Tony had forms on your face as well.

"Are you proud, Y/n? Are you happy now?" The distorted sound of your voice startles you and you stumble back, tripping over your feet. You fall to the ground and stare horrified at the abomination you can no longer call Tony, holding up a repulsor covered hand, grinning madly. The repulsor charges, ready to blow you to pieces and you see a bright light coming towards you.

The blast doesn't have a chance to hit you, though. You gasp and open your eyes abruptly, sitting up in bed and staring blankly ahead of you. Your breathing is harsh and irregular and it takes a while before you regain your senses and notice your surroundings. It may have been a minute or an hour, you don't know.

When you glance at the window of your bedroom you can see it's still dark outside and the clock confirms your suspicions: 3:23 AM. It's now when you realize JARVIS is speaking to you and with that realization you start to tune in to his voice.

"-commend perhaps a glass of warm milk to soothe your body and ease your sleep?"

"I'm sorry, Jarv," you say while running a hand through your damp hair. "I'm afraid I have no idea what you just said."

"It's quite alright, Miss. I was merely suggesting ways to calm your anxiety before going back to sleep," JARVIS promptly replies.

"Thanks but I think I'll manage. Is.." you hesitate, flashbacks of your nightmare coming back to you. "Is Tony down in his workshop?"

"Indeed he is, Miss. I think he might..appreciate the company, though." You sense a hint of concern in JARVIS' voice and you immediately know what that means.

"I'd better get down there, then. Lights, JARVIS."

The AI turns the lights on without further input. The room is just as you left it but the feeling of terror and disgust from your nightmare is still lingering, making the room seem suspicious, unnatural. You grab a dressing gown from your dresser, pull it on and slip your bare feet into the slippers waiting at the foot of the bed. You exit the room quietly and peer out of it into the hallway silently.

The Tower is quiet at this time of night, but in no way does that mean everyone is asleep. By now, you're pretty much sure you're the only one who sleeps at night, or at least for most of it. Tony and Bruce are usually up at all kinds of hours for days on end working on god knows what; they always seem to find something to research and test or build and design. There's also Steve, who often gets nightmares from the war or the ice, therefore gets no more than two or three hours of sleep every night. When the nightmares become too much he usually comes to wake you up and you make him a cup of hot chocolate (your grandma's recipe) then sit with him on the window seat on the common floor, talking and reminiscing about your old life and sometimes about the fun stuff from his childhood.

Natasha has developed the habit of sleeping no more than two hours at night with short naps throughout the day when possible. She usually reads a book or watches one of the TV series you recommend, but sometimes she goes up on the roof to just stare at the city below and ahead, listening to the sounds of traffic and nightly pedestrians. She's told you it helps clear her mind and remind her why she's doing this, what she stays here for when doubt starts to creep in.

Clint, however, is a completely different story. To this day, you still haven't figured out why exactly he chooses to stay awake all night long and sleep during the day when he has, like you, the luxury of having a normal sleeping schedule. From what you know, he spends his nights playing games on his console or binge watching TV series. At this point he's officially been dubbed the manchild of the Avengers.

Thor is usually absent, either off to London to be with Jane or Asgard to visit his family. When he does stick around for more than a day, he spends his nights watching random television, trying to "grasp onto midgardian means of entertainment" as he calls it. Sometimes you have movie marathons with him when you're in the mood but most of those times you end up falling asleep curled up in his bed three hours in, at the most.

Rounding the corner, you spot soft light streaming from Tony's workshop windows. Muffled music can be heard, getting louder as you approach, but when you stand right in front of Tony's workshop the man is nowhere in sight. You press your hand to the scanner attached to the door, the light above it turning green before the lock clicks and you pull open the door.

"JARVIS, turn off the music, please," you demand. The sound stops immediately, leaving you in a deathly quiet workshop.

"Tones? You in here?" you ask tentatively, your voice soft and quiet in the silence. You receive no reply. That, as well as the lack of sound from any piece of machinery or one of Tony's beloved bots, makes you panic, a thousand and one scenarios running through your mind, none favourable. You proceed into the room with quiet, unsure steps, mindful of your surroundings. Logically, you are aware that if anything were amiss JARVIS would've alerted you, but then again he could've just as well been hacked into by some very smart and capable assassin coming after Tony's ass. Before your mind has a chance to work itself up into a real frenzy, you spot Tony sitting at a worktable at the far back of the workshop, slumped over his desk.

You start in his direction with more confident steps this time. When you get closer you can see a bottle of what unmistakably looks like booze clutched weakly in Tony's right hand. You exhale and shake your head. You take a look around, for the first time noticing the state the room is in. Tables are thrown on their sides and upside down, one of them even having a missing leg. Papers are scattered throughout the room and scorch marks litter the ceiling. The room is a disaster, and something tells you the reason for its state isn't pretty.

Stepping forward towards Tony's sleeping body, you very carefully remove the gauntlet responsible for the damage from Tony's left hand, setting it aside on a bench. You grab the bottle from his other hand and place it as far away from the man as possible, too, then step back for a minute, trying to come up with a decision. You aren't really the most athletic of people, despite all the training sessions you have undergone with Steve and Nat lately, so taking Tony up to his room is out of the question. However, you _can_ manage to half drag, half push him until you reach the couch in the workshop, and dump him there in a more comfortable position.

Mind made up, you pull at Tony to straighten him up then grab a hold of him and struggle a bit but in the end succeed in settling him on the couch. You pull a blanket out from a cupboard you know Tony keeps it in to drape over the man, then kiss his forehead gingerly and let him sleep. You rummage his medicine cupboards for some aspirin, fill a glass of water and set them on the table near Tony with a note: _"Take this then come find me. I think we have something to talk about and by we I mean you. -Y/n"_

"JARVIS, tell me when he wakes up. I don't trust him to come find me, at least not until the last possible moment."

"As you wish, Miss Y/n. I shall keep an eye on Sir until he awakes so I advise you get back to sleep until he does."

"I'll try," you reply as you exit the workshop and watch the lights dim slowly until they fade completely, bathing the workshop in blissful darkness. The only light you can see is the soft blue of the arc reactor, weak through the layers of clothing and the blanket.

"I've heard a glass of warm milk and cinnamon does wonders to help the human body relax," JARVIS suggests. It never fails to warm your heart when the AI takes care of you in such subtle ways and how he knows you're still in distress after the nightmare despite you not saying anything about it.

"Could you take care of that for me, Jarv?"

"Already on it, Miss. The first episode of _Yuri!!! On Ice_ is queued up in the lounge, as well."

"You know me too well," you laugh, nightmare already being pushed to the back of your mind. You grab the glass of milk on your way to the lounge then settle on the couch, pulling the blanket on the armrest around your shoulders and watching the familiar scene on screen as you sip at the milk. The beverage warms your body, warmth which doesn't take long to spread through your entire body and mind. With the anime distracting your thoughts from straying too far, it's only a matter of minutes until you slump back against the cushions and fall asleep, soft snores coming from your direction.

* * *

"Shhh, you're gonna wake her up."

"Don't be stupid, a Russian army busting in through the front door wouldn't wake her up."

"It is true. Lady Y/n is quite the sleeper. Once when she fell asleep in my quarters she slipped off the bed and onto the floor, but didn't even awaken. She just clutched her blanket tighter and kept on sleeping."

"That's beside the point. Let her sleep, she's had a tough night." A warm hand smooths down your hair, lifts your blanket a little higher and then a pair of lips touches your forehead gingerly. You sigh softly, mind already drifting far away. The world gets fuzzier, the voices fade back into the background and you're back to sleep.

* * *

You open your eyes slowly. Light assaults your vision, making you snap them shut again and rub them with your hands. Groaning, you flip around on your back, staring up at the ceiling blankly. A massive headache makes your head feel like a ticking bomb, ready to go off at any second and exhaustion is still lurking at the edge of your consciousness. Despite the sleep you got, it was restless and filled with scattered images, memories and made-up scenarios. The nightmare wasn't back, but less than pleasant dreams kept your mind busy all night long.

You take a look around at the living room, noticing the light pouring down on you from the only clear window; the rest have been darkened. Though you're alone, signs of people having been here before your awakening are showing here and there, like Natasha's favourite hoodie draped over the armchair, or Bruce's newspaper on the coffee table, or a Poptart wrapper left at the foot of said table. Speaking of which, a tray with a plate of scrambled eggs and a glass of peach juice is sitting next to the newspaper. You struggle to get into a sitting position, legs crossed, and reach for it, taking the tray and putting it in your lap carefully. It's now when you notice a small note, written in beautiful cursive, which you'd know anywhere by now.

_"It's probably cold by now, but eat up. I tried to keep the manchild away from it for as long as I could so it's not my fault if it's gone. I'm in the workshop. -TS"_

A smile curves your lips as you pick up the fork to eat the now cold scrambled eggs. The breakfast is gone quickly, leaving you gulping down the juice in greedy gulps. Once your thirst is quenched, you take the tray to the dishwasher and go back to your room for a shower and a change of clothes. You throw your unmade bed a quick glance but make a mental note to make it later, instead grabbing your phone from the nightstand where it's been charging since last night and heading for Tony's workshop.

It's quiet when you arrive, the only sound being the small clinks and clanks of the screwdriver Tony is using on something you can't see. His back is to you, though you guess JARVIS has announced your arrival.

"Sup, Tones," you greet the man. Tony swivels in his chair, a smile on his lips, and he waves.

"Y/n, hey. You're awake. I was prepared to call the time of death."

"Har har. With the way _you_ looked last night I should've just called the morgue to pick up your body and start experimenting on that brain of yours to unravel its secrets."

A somber look passes over his face, though Tony pushes it away and plasters on his best award winning smile in its place. The smile is so fake and distant it makes your heart sink. You'd thought you and Tony were over pleasantries and fake smiles.

"Drop the act, Stark," you tell him as you plop down in the chair opposite him. "Something happened and you ain't fooling me. So spill."

"Whatever do you mean?" Tony says instead, shooting another fake smile which hurts to look at; you don't want to know how much it's hurting Tony to keep it on his face.

He picks the screwdriver up again, resuming his tinkering. You shift your focus on the object in his hand and realize it's your father's watch, the one you broke in a bike accident a week ago. You're surprised to see it in Tony's possession, fixing it, since after it broke you threw it a heartbroken look and tossed it at the back of a drawer, trying to ignore the loss you felt at having broken the last piece of your father you owned. Of course, Tony must have noticed and sneaked it out, bringing it up to fix.

"Is that.." you trail off, voice heavy with emotion.

Tony looks up for a brief second, and you catch a small glimpse of your Tony in his brown eyes but he looks back down again. He nods.

"I know it means a lot. I can fix it, you need it back in perfect condition, so here I am. Please don't thank me," Tony adds when he sees you wanting to open your mouth. You shut it then open it again.

"I won't then. Wanna tell me what happened last night or should I begin bribing JARVIS to tell me?" you ask, twirling a loose wire between your fingers idly.

"I am afraid I cannot be bribed into disclosing Sir's personal information without his consent," JARVIS interjects. "No matter how much I wish to," he adds then, his tone disapproving. You still don't believe he's just an AI, he feels and acts too human for you to buy that (it just goes to show Tony's programming skills).

"You just know I'd donate you to charity for an old folk's retirement home if you did," Tony shoots, tone impassive.

"Anthony Edward Stark, stop deflecting my questions and answer me this instant," you demand, your voice rising and more stern than before. Tony's shoulders tense but he does stop his tinkering, looks up at you with a 'deer caught in the headlights' look then his face absolutely crumbles. You're shocked by the swift change in demeanor but jump up from your seat, going straight at Tony and hugging him awkwardly. Tony isn't the most touchy-feely person on Earth but in extreme situations he allows it, knowing that's your only way of comforting since words often fail you. Tony sobs then the tears start pouring, his hands clutching at you tightly and holding you as close to his body as possible. You do little more than simply rub his body and whisper nothings in his ear, hoping it'll at least distract him if not comfort him.

Half an hour passes like this. You eventually end up on the floor with Tony, holding his hands while you sit cross legged across from each other. You don't speak, don't force him into speaking. You know that after his breakdown it's only a matter of when he talks to you rather than if. So you give him his space.

When he calms down, Tony looks at you with bloodshot eyes which accentuate the emotional and physical exhaustion that has taken such a toll on him. He sniffles and wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt, barking a self deprecating sound that sounds like laughter through the tears still in his throat.

"Pepper broke up with me," Tony finally says, voice gruff. You motion Dum-E to fetch a glass of water for Tony's obviously sore throat.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Tones," you rub his hands, tracing figure eights on his skin with your thumb. "What happened?"

"She.. she said it wasn't working anymore. That I always shut myself in the workshop and run myself to the ground with all the work I do for the Avengers and that she can't just sit by and watch it." The man is looking at your joint hands and you squeeze his in reassurance. He goes on, "Which is true, obviously. I'm a mess. I don't sleep, I don't eat, I've barely even seen her in two weeks! And it's not like I wasn't expecting this anyway.." He looks up at Dum-E and takes the glass with a tiny nod.

"I don't deserve someone like Pepper, it was only a matter of time until she realized that too."

"I'm sure she doesn't think that, Tony. You're not worthless, you're amazing and you deserve the world," you tell Tony, squeezing his hands and looking him straight in the eye. "But you are kind of a mess. It's understandable, given everything you've gone through in the past few years, I'm not blaming you and neither is Pepper for that matter. It's just that some people can handle a person who still has their own stuff to figure out while others don't.

"You've got to understand that if Pepper seemed angry at you or whatever you might think, it was probably because this is affecting her too. I know Pepper and she cares about you, but she also cares about her future, her career, the company. It may seem selfish or shallow, but she would rather give up a relationship that isn't working for her rather than her job. It doesn't mean you're to blame for everything. She has her part in it as well."

You take a deep breath after the little speech, looking at the suits lined up at the back of the workshop. You think about Tony's fight with Pepper a while ago about the suits, how Tony was ready to give them up for her. Then how he got stranded in fucking Tennessee out in the cold having to drag around a non-functioning suit. You're still mad about that, because while you care about Pepper and consider her a friend, it's no secret you're closer to Tony and care about him more. Some people might call you overprotective, but damn it this man is going to get himself killed someday and since nobody (including himself) is doing anything to take care of him actively or defending him, then you are going to do it.

You know how much the suits mean to him. You also know the reason for his fixation with having as many suits in working condition and always at the ready, too. It's not healthy, true, but for now it's better than any other option. You'd rather Tony lost sleep over working on a new suit or improving an old one than because he's been drinking or out gambling and losing himself in random girls' breasts.

Suddenly Tony leans forward and hugs you, his arms wrapping around your waist for the second time this day. The smell of oil, grease and some leftover hints of his shampoo hits your nose, and you inhale it deeply. The scent wraps around your body and settles in your bones, making you feel at home. You realize that this is what you've been needing since last night as well, feeling Tony here, alive and well, comforted by the knowledge that he isn't going anywhere any time soon if you can help it.

"Thank you, Y/n. I don't know what I'd do without you," Tony mumbles into your shoulder.

You stroke his hair, not minding the way it leaves your hand sticky with grease, and laugh. "I'm sure you'd survive, Tones. You did before me and you will after me as well. You don't depend on me."

Tony's arms tighten around you. "I'd rather I didn't have to find out any time soon. There is no after you because you'll always be here. It's been decided."

"Sure, Tones."

You hold Tony for a few more minutes, neither of you saying anything. You know you've said everything you could've and while you can take a guess that Tony doesn't fully believe you, you're ready to remind him every day for the unforeseeable future if need be.

"Now come on, go take a shower. You smell like a sewer rat," you push his head away gently, getting up to your feet and dusting yourself off. You extend Tony a hand and help him up then turn around to exit the workshop with Tony following right behind you. You pass the table your father's watch is sitting on, throwing it a longing gaze. Tony follows your line of sight and taps you on the shoulder as he catches up to you.

"I'll get it fixed by tomorrow, don't worry. I'm thinking of reinforcing the casing to make it more durable."

You smile at him and nod. "That sounds fantastic. Thank you, Tony."

"I thought we'd agreed you wouldn't thank me," Tony grimaces.

"And I thought that was just because you were pissy. Sorry for being a decent human being and friend, thanking you for doing something you didn't have to," you say, bumping Tony's shoulder with your own.

"You never have to thank me. But you're welcome."

You reach the elevator and see Tony off, waving at him until the doors close. As soon as he's out of sight you lean against the wall and sigh in relief. Thank god Tony's alright.

"JARVIS, make sure he actually makes it to the shower and gets inside. If anything comes up, please tell me. Alert me if he's not in his bed and asleep in two hours."

"As you wish, Miss Y/n. Agent Barton is looking for you. He seems to want to teach you some archery this afternoon. Shall I tell him your whereabouts?" JARVIS asks.

"No, Jarv, that's alright. Tell him to meet me in the gym in an hour."

"Right away."

You push away from the wall, rubbing a hand over your face and through your hair.

"The roof is currently empty and the sun seems to be bathing it in quite a lot of sunshine. Perfect opportunity for some fresh air, wouldn't you say so, Miss Y/n?" JARVIS pipes in seconds later. You smile and look at one of the visible cameras.

"I'm gonna ask Tony about how he made you one of these days, JARVIS. You're unnaturally good at reading me." You go in the direction of the stairs, taking them two at a time.

"I'm merely doing my job, Miss," the AI sounds innocently oblivious, as if he has no idea what you mean. You snort.

"Of course you are."

Ten minutes later you're at the top of the Avengers Tower, breathing a little harshly out of exertion but fine otherwise. The sun kisses your skin the moment you step up, and the wind caresses your body and hair with a gentle touch. You sit down on one of the chairs Tony has set up on the roof and close your eyes, listening to the hustle and bustle of New York. The noise of the city below is nothing but white noise to your ears so the quiet and solitude are a welcome change.

"Do you think Josie's is still open, JARVIS?" you ask at some point out of the blue, eyes still closed, taking in the blissful warmth of the sun.

"I believe so. Shall I check?"

"You're a sweetheart. Order some blueberry cake for me and everybody else's favourites if they're open."

"Done."

Silence falls once more, leaving you to your thoughts. Your mind wanders to Tony, and you can't help the worry bubbling up to the surface again. You have the urge to go check up on him but JARVIS is watching him and if anything happens you'll be alerted. It still doesn't make you worry any less. Tony isn't a very emotionally stable person and considering recent events he's less so than usual. Maybe leaving him on his own for the next couple of hours isn't the best idea now that you think about it. You're about to open your eyes when a shadow suddenly falls over you, taking away the sunlight completely. You open your eyes lazily, expecting Clint to have come up to drag you to archery practice sooner since he has the attention span of a goldfish.

Instead, a man clad in a black stealth suit is looming over you.

"What the h-" You feel a sting at your neck then the world fades into darkness.

* * *

"What the fuck, JARVIS?" Tony yells as he's rudely awoken by JARVIS' alarm. He squints up at the ceiling, trying to rid his eyes of the sleep lurking around at the edges of his vision.

"I apologize for interrupting your sleep, Sir, however I believe this is a matter of life and death, one which you might find yourself interested in."

That sobers Tony up. He straightens up, body tense and mind alert.

"What is it, J?"

"Miss Y/n has been kidnapped," comes JARVIS' short reply, cutting to the chase with no preamble.

"What?!" Tony jumps out of the bed, tugging his sleep wear off hastily and changing in some random jeans and t-shirt he finds lying on the floor of his bedroom. "How the hell did this happen, JARVIS? Most importantly, who's the bastard that got into _my_ Tower, without _my_ knowledge and kidnapped _my_ friend?" Tony is seething with anger; anger at JARVIS for letting this happen, anger at the kidnapper for taking you, anger at **himself** for having been fucking asleep when you needed him.

"I am afraid my sensors did not detect any break-ins, neither did any of the cameras see anything until after Miss was taken," JARVIS sounds apologetic and anguished at his own mistake, which stopped surprising Tony a long time ago, so the genius can feel the anger at the AI slowly fading. Anyway, Tony knows right now he should focus that anger on alerting the team and tracking the bastard down and _quick_.

* * *

You wake up with a gasp to find yourself blindfolded, strapped to a chair. A massive headache assaults you the minute you come to, and your neck is stinging. Confusion washes over your being, fear settling in and paralyzing your entire body. You can't remember what happened or how you got here. The last thing you remember is chilling in the sun, waiting for time to pass and then next thing you know you wake up in an unknown place, most likely having been kidnapped.

You tug on the straps on your arms and legs, testing, but they won't even budge- it's a lost cause. Your heart is pounding in your chest so hard you fear it might break out of its ribcage, but you force yourself to break through the panic-induced haze and clear your mind. You take a few deep breaths, _'Okay, Y/n, you're fine. Nothing to worry about here. Tony will notice you're gone and the team will bust through the door any moment now. So just sit tight and wait for them to come.'_ The reassurance works if only a little bit, your heartbeat calming some.

The sound of a door unlocking startles you, making the hairs at the back of your neck stand on end. All of your senses are alert, your mind in full 'fight-or-flight' mode. Someone steps inside the room, their footsteps loud on the- what you guess is- concrete flooring. They walk around for a bit, circling you twice before moving away. You turn your head this way and that, trying to follow this person's movements, but failing miserably with your visual senses cut off. The intruder stops suddenly somewhere you can't pinpoint, with only the sound of their breathing there to tell you they're even in the room, which makes your nervousness levels spike.

"Hello?" you ask tentatively, voice rough from dehydration and lack of use. "Who are you? Where am I?" Silence follows your questions, and you swallow hard, fearing what may come next.

The person sighs, starts walking again and metal clinking on metal meets your ears. The footsteps get louder as they get closer to you which makes you shiver like a leaf, despite your very hard attempts at staying calm. There's silence again, so very still and ominous, in which you hold your breath, waiting.

Burning, searing pain burns through your left hand all of a sudden. At first you're confused and terrified, unable to form a coherent thought around the agony you're in at the moment. A second later something withdraws from your palm and you realize it's a blade. _'Oh god, I've just been stabbed in the hand!'_ Warm blood starts pouring out of your hand, dribbling down your fingers and falling onto the floor. You don't have time to recover because the person sighs again then the blade lodges itself into your shoulder this time. You scream like a wounded animal, howling with pain and fear, oh god so much fear. Your heart is hammering, your breathing is erratic and you're shaking so badly you're surprised you haven't phased through the straps caging you in yet.

No sooner does your screaming stop than the blade slices through your thigh this time. Another scream erupts from within, and it feels like it'll surely tore open your raw throat. Tears start pouring from your eyes, wetting the blindfold and your cheeks.

Your torturer clicks their tongue in what you assume is displeasure. A metal clank sounds again, then another, and you feel a hand grip your own then something touching your left forefinger and- oh god, not your nail! The person catches your nail and then pulls hard, tearing your nail away from your finger. It's agony, agony like you haven't ever felt before. You thrash in the chair, wanting to get away from the pain, from the threat that is this person but you can't, you're stuck and they're not even asking you things, they're just torturing you for the sake of it and it's hell and Tony isn't coming, the Avengers aren't coming, no one is coming! You're going to die in here after hours or days of torture, body left to rot like an animal on the side of the road because you're powerless and weak.

The feeling of your right pinky being snapped in two draws you out of the panic building up inside your mind, then with a strangled scream you black out from the pain, taken blissfully away from it.

* * *

"Tony, has something happened? Are you alright?" Steve asks the minute Tony shows up in the kitchen. His eyes are wide and panicked, his face pale and his hands are shaking. The rest of the team looks up at Tony's entrance in bewilderment.

"Y/n's gone. Someone broke in and kidnapped her and we need to find her right this instant or I think I'm gonna have the biggest panic attack in the history of panic attacks."

"Whoa, hold on a minute," Bruce interrupts, his brow furrowed. "Take a breath and tell us what happened, slowly."

Tony takes in a shaky breath and manages to tell the team what happened. By the end of his story Clint has already taken his bow, Natasha is talking to Fury on the phone, Bruce is going over footage with JARVIS and Steve has his fists clenched. Thor has already taken off to Asgard to see if Heimdall can help track you down or give them any clue about your whereabouts or kidnapper. Tony doesn't really know what to do with himself. His usual calm facade is breaking apart right before his eyes and he can't get a grip on reality to try and do something to get you back. All that he knows is panic and the overwhelming urge to have you here and hold you, to know his closest friend is safe and sound, all in one piece.

"Don't worry, Tony. We'll find her," Steve's voice accompanied by a firm grip on his shoulder startles Tony, bringing him back with his feet on the ground. Tony shakes his head and manages a wry smile.

"Let's get to work," Tony announces loudly, though unnecessarily since everyone is already hard at work. "We've got a girl to find and bring back home."

* * *

A bucket of ice cold water pulls you harshly from unconsciousness hours later. You thrash around in the chair you're still strapped to, trying to shake the water from your body. A man is sitting in front of you holding a metal bucket, tapping his foot impatiently. It's with a start that you realize that the blindfold is gone, but your vision is blurry, eyes teary from the sudden assault of the- admittedly weak- light of the lightbulb hanging from the ceiling above your head.

"Great, you're awake. Let's get down to business, shall we?" the man says. His voice is deep, a hue of annoyance and contempt tinting it. He's tall, about 6 foot 11, nicely built. His stance reminds you of Clint and Natasha's, so you guess he's some kind of military. The clothes he's wearing are nondescript, making it easy for him to blend into his surroundings. The air of superiority he has about him makes you feel uneasy, a surge of dislike and mistrust flaring up inside you- as if the torture hasn't been enough of a reason for that already.

"What do you want from me?" you ask, voice raspy. A cough breaks through, hurting your throat further.

"Now, now, I'm doing the asking here, not you. I'll let it slide this time, but it won't go unpunished in the future.

"But to answer your question: everything. Tell me everything you know about the Avengers and I _might_ send your body back for them to bury after we're done."

A panicked laughter takes you by surprise, but once the first peals are out, there's no stopping you. The man is standing in front of you radiating confusion at first, then irritation and it culminates with straight up annoyance. Once you're done laughing, he speaks up.

"What are you laughing about, stupid girl?"

"Why would I tell you anything if you're just going to kill me anyway? Actually, no, scratch that. Why would I tell you anything at all?"

"Well, there are worse things than dying."

He picks up a blowtorch from a metallic table at the far side of the room then agony starts all over again. If you were able to form a coherent thought at that moment, you'd be surprised if your screams couldn't be heard on a hundred mile radius.

* * *

Tony thinks he's minutes away from going insane. There is no other outcome, considering it's been 49 hours since you were taken and there's still no sign of you or your kidnapper. The team has been hard at work ever since, but there are no leads, no suspects, no nothing. Thor still hasn't returned from Asgard, Fury has nothing and not even JARVIS can do anything other than keep searching security cameras in case you turn up.

"Romanov, you got anything?" Tony asks, desperately hoping for an affirmative.

"Nothing," she shakes her head.

Tony groans and puts his head in his hands, despair clawing at his mind. This is all his fault. He should've been more careful with programming JARVIS, with security, with everything. Maybe if he hadn't been so emotionally distraught he would have noticed the threat before it had a chance to take you away and do god knows what. It's hard not to lose his head when you're out there all alone, possibly hurt and afraid. The fact that they're not getting anywhere and their searches are proving to be fruitless doesn't help either.

The sky darkens, clouds gathering and lighting striking across it, which draws Tony's attention away from his doubts and fears. He perks up, hope rekindling in his chest, when Thor walks in, small smile on his face. Tony doesn't even wait for the god to come up to him, instead walking forward to reach him first.

"Brother Anthony, I have marvelous news. We have found lady Y/n," Thor says, immediately after which his smile vanishes and instead a grim look takes over.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Spit it, Point Break."

"I think you should not be present when she is rescued."

"What? Why? Actually, I don't wanna know because I don't care. I have to leave right now and get her back home before god knows what happens," Tony says, putting in a lot of effort not to shout at the Asgardian.

"I am afraid lady Y/n has been harmed by her kidnapper and is in quite a bad shape. Perhaps you should leave this to us, and you shall see her when she returns and has been taken care of."

Tony is pretty sure he sees red in that moment, the urge to punch someone in the face or strangle them stronger than ever. "They did what to my Y/n?" his voice is so cold and empty, he doesn't even recognize himself.

"Tony, maybe you should listen to-"

"Maybe _you_ should listen, Cap. I don't care what you have to say, any of you. What I care about is miles away from me or maybe right under my nose, being physically hurt by some poor son of a bitch who will wish hadn't crossed me, and if I don't get to her right this instant I'll probably start a civil war. So, Thor, if you don't mind, location please."

They all look at him with various degrees of shock written all across their faces but Tony couldn't care less. He has to find you and bring you home. And kill someone, but that could wait. This takes priority.

"Very well, Anthony. Here, Heimdall wrote the address down for you," Thor replies and hands him a piece of paper written in neat cursive. Tony takes it, analyzes it and then tells Jarvis to prepare the suit.

"You can either come now or catch what's left after I'm done with that fucker. Your choice," is the last thing Tony tells the team before the suit assembles around him and he takes off hurriedly.

* * *

"Is that all you've got?" you ask, spitting blood on the ground. Everything aches, you're pretty sure several bones are bent or broken and the untreated wounds seem to be infected. You're not giving up, though. You'd sooner give your life than spill anything about your family, and if the sucker thinks you're so easily breakable just because you're a civilian, then he's got another thing coming.

You're not so sure Tony or the rest are going to find you, anymore. At least, not before you're dead. It's been so long since this started and the agony you're in ticks you off that if your kidnapper doesn't kill you, the pain will. But you hope Tony won't blame himself like he usually does.

The man opens his mouth to answer when a boom followed by more banging and kicking sounds ring in the silence and before either of you can form a thought the door is blown away, leaving smoke in its place. You hear the clangs of the suit hitting the floor before Iron Man steps in, making your heart soar with happiness.

"What up, fuckface? Thought you could hurt one of my own and walk away in one piece? Cause you've got another thing coming," Tony's altered voice says before he fires a repulsor and shoots in the direction of the man. He dodges, however, taking cover behind the table that was flipped when Tony blew the door away. Iron Man fires two more shots, all missing their target before the man manages to escape behind Tony. You can see it in his movements that he is angry, not all there, which makes his offense weak and downright bad.

"He got away, catch him while I take Y/n out of here," Tony says, probably speaking to the team on the comms. After that, he steps out of the suit and rushes to your side.

"Hey, beautiful. Fancy seeing you here," he says stroking your hair and face as gently as possible. You wince, trying to cover your whimper with a cough but failing, if Tony's horrified expression and balled fists are anything to go by.

"I'll kill him. I'll end his life with my bare hands!" he grits his teeth.

"I just wanna go home, Tones," you croak. "Wanna drink one of Jarvis' horrible cups of tea and watch bad teen dramas with you."

Tony smiles through the pain and nods his head. "It's a promise, sweetheart. Now let's get you of these and take you home. Do you think you can hold onto the suit until we arrive?" he asks as he works to unravel the bonds from your wrists and ankles.

"No," you shake your head.

"Then you get in the suit and Jarvis will take you home," he says, helping you to your feet.

"What about you?"

"Goldilocks can take me back, don't worry. I'll be there when you arrive."

"Okay," you relent just as Tony carefully sets you inside the suit and it closes around you. You close your eyes, the lights and text of the HUD too powerful for your tired eyes.

"Take her home safely, Jarvis."

"Of course, Sir," the AI replies. Then after you take off, "It is good to have you back, Miss Y/n."

"Me too, Jarv," you mumble before passing out.

* * *

Next time you open your eyes it's in your room, snuggled close to Tony's body and buried in a mountain of blankets. Your body is sore and it hurts to even breathe, but you're home and not alone so you couldn't ask for more.

"Morning, sunshine," Tony greets, smiling, and drops the tablet he had been working on to focus his attention on you. "Hungry, thirsty?"

"Yeah," your voice is scratchy and your throat hurts. Tony helps you up before holding a glass of water to your mouth and helping you drink it. You only manage half of it then nod at him and he puts it away.

"Natasha washed you and Bruce cleaned your wounds then patched them up. Your left leg needs a cast, but the doc thought it best to put it on after you wake up."

"Good call," you reply. "Thank you, for coming to save me."

"Of course I came to save you, you don't need to thank me. Not getting you out of there was out of the question."

"After a while, back then... I.." you say, looking down at your lap as tears start falling silently. "I thought I was gonna die there, all alone. I was so sure you wouldn't find me on time.. but I just couldn't, I couldn't Tony, tell him what he wanted to hear. I'd rather go through that a thousand times over than betray you, any of you!" You look up at Tony sharply, tears bathing your cheeks and desperation in your eyes. He takes you into his arms carefully, mindful of any bad reaction and hugs you close.

"I know, Y/n. I know. I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner. But you're here now and you're fine. You're never leaving again, I won't allow it. I can set you up with a psychiatrist after you've settled in a bit better, if you want."

"Yes, that would be nice," you sniffle. "Thank you, Tony. You're the best friend in this entire world. I would be lost without you."

"You'd be safe without me. But let's not talk about that. I'm never losing one of my best friends again. You and Rhodey are everything to me, cookie. Everything."

"Can you bring me some food?" you ask. "And then a movie, if you want."

Tony nods. "Anything you want."

He comes back in record time with something for you to eat, then afterwards you settle back in bed snuggling close to Tony's side, immersing yourself in the no-brainer movie on the TV to avoid thinking about the trauma you've just gone through. It feels so good to be home, close to your best friend but you can't wait to see a professional about this and get it off your chest. Just like Tony has never told you everything about Afghanistan, you can't talk about it with him either. But, with time, you hope you can get over this. And if not, Tony will always be here to help.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts for a couple months I think. After I finished it I thought it was bad and didn't wanna post it. Then I completely forgot about it. Now that I remembered it, I read it again and decided to post it.
> 
> Hope you like it. Leave Kudos, a comment or find me @armoredavengers on Tumblr.


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